mind vomit

My alarm was scheduled to go off a few minutes early this morning with the intention of sneaking out and having a coffee date with myself before our morning play date. In true Bonnie fashion, one minute prior to the annoying beep of my alarm, I heard a soft, "mama, mama, mama?" coming from the monitor. Oh how that makes me smile. She beats me to it every time and I'd much rather wake up to her sweet voice calling my name. Andrew's schedule has been so whacky this past month working in the emergency department and so we've learned to be creative with our time. He is so gracious to give me an hour here or there every once in a while to just decompress and enjoy some quiet time.

So, here I sit with my classical pandora station playing, fitbit charging, iced coffee and oatmeal going down easy, and much on my mind:

Ready for my mind vomit? Here it is....

With about a week and a half left of my travel nursing contract job, I'm feeling so relieved. Nearing my 3rd trimester, there are so many things I want to accomplish before baby boy arrives. My heart is overwhelmed with thankfulness for how much more smoothly this pregnancy has gone compared to my last. I'm beyond grateful for the group of mamas and babies we have in our community here whose husbands are all in the same boat. What a blessing. I want to de-clutter our home and clean like crazy but have such limited energy (& time). I seriously need to finish Bonnie's baby book before my time is up and it is baby boy's turn. Speaking of baby boy, he needs a name!! I have my favorites but the mister and I have hardly had the chance to seriously discuss names. Andrew has a vacation week coming up and I'm itching to go explore and do something special as a family. However, I'm relieved we will be staying local and not making any big trips. It's already getting warm and "spring-ish" here and though its beautiful, I'm already dreading the summer heat.

Whew.... I could keep going. But, I'll spare you. Like I said, much is on my mind.

I definitely stand by our decision to do this nursing work gig. As I've previously mentioned, it has allowed me to get my hours needed to keep my license while also providing the opportunity to keep my skills up and learn a few new things. All of this being said, it certainly has not been easy! The hospital I've been at is quite different from what I was accustomed to and has made me so appreciate the training and experience I received in Portland. The most difficult part has been balancing being mom, wife, and full time employee. I've also previously said that if Andrew had a regular schedule or a 40 hour work week, this would be far more manageable (though still difficult of course!). But, he doesn't. He works an average of 80 hours a week and needs our full support from the home front to get enough rest, stay well, and get through each week.

Just as my time contract is ending, Bonnie has seemed to finally start adjusting to this alternating care-taker schedule and somewhat lack of consistency. If mama or daddy aren't with her, she knows and explains that we are at "work." She knows that daddy is at "work" to "help people" at the "hospital." Mama "works" with "babies." My mommy heart aches when I go three and four days without even laying eyes on her due to my 12 hour shifts plus 45+ minute commute on either side and back to back schedule. It's simply not a sustainable lifestyle and schedule for our family and doesn't feel right for us. Had we not tried this, we would never have known how difficult it would be. Through this experience, we have been able to first hand explore our priorities & have been reminded of the importance of this time with young babies. We'll simply never get it back and it is so very important! That being said, I look forward to hopefully finding a better fit for us and am hopeful for a per-diem/ultra part-time position somewhere much closer to home. For now, the focus is family and new baby coming. I'm thrilled with that.

Now that I've blabbed on and on, my time is up and it's back to mommy-hood for the day. Though I'm fighting a cold, mommies don't get sick days.... bring on the park date, laundry, big-girl-potty-encouraging, and dishes. Maybe we'll sneak a library trip in there too!

To you full-time working mommies... I don't know how you do it! But, go you! Happy Wednesday folks....