Cherub Choir

I snuggled miss Bonnie extra tight yesterday. And, my little "g" necklace adorned my neck. I rarely took it off for countless months and it feels good to wear it again and remember our months with sweet Gabriel. Until Heaven, sweet one, I'll be missing you.

Mommas, can you imagine the beautiful reunion we will have with our little angel babies in heaven someday? How joyful and miraculous it will be!

What happens when you've lost a baby, and then have a baby?  Yes, the hurt has faded a bit and it feels weird to admit that, but it's true. Time helps. I think this is also because much of my hurting was due to infertility and fear of never being able to carry a child to term. Then I had Bonnie, and I love her more than words can say. But, I still grieve for the loss of our little Gabriel. We saw his little heart beating away and we saw his little body  growing right on track in those early weeks. My heart grew so in love with that sweet child. More than I thought possible. It still brings me to tears to think of meeting our little one in Heaven someday. I kind of can't wait.

Yesterday was pregnancy and infant loss awareness day. It both thrills and saddens me to see so many posts about lost littles. Thrilling, because people are opening up their hearts and these sweet little lives are being talked about. Because they matter. Because each and every one matters from the very beginning. I'm seeing women feel more comfortable sharing their hurts; and this is so important and healthy.

It saddens me because of how many of my fellow friends have endured such hurt and sorrow. So. Many.

Somehow, we all share a special bond. A bond of empty arms wished full. A bond of broken hearts dreamed overflowing. We share a bond of sleepless nights and pools of tears. But, we also share a bond of understanding one another. Maybe our angel babies are all friends- I imagine the largest, most beautiful cherub choir. Imagine that with me! Isn't it marvelous?

My heart breaks for each of the families I know who lost little ones. Last night, I prayed over each of you (whom I know have lost little ones). Candles were lit and thanks were given for each of those little angels. 

Our baby Gabriel, baby W., baby J., baby Adriel & baby H., baby D., baby S., Baby Haley, baby B., baby boy Toby, baby boy Ezra, babies R., baby H., baby L., Baby Avery & Baby M... Each of you are on my mind and heart. Each of you mattered. Sweet angel babies, I imagine you all so peaceful, perfect, and well in Jesus' arms. See you someday, dear little ones.

In the meantime precious angels, sing away in your little cherub choir...