Forty weeks. Two hundred eighty days. Sweet baby girl, I never thought we'd make it this far, let alone full term. But, you and God had other plans. Silly mama for worrying so much; but how could I not? You are this precious little person kicking around inside and I'm your mom. Isn't that what moms and dads do? I wanted so badly to protect you, to keep you safe, to nurture you and carry you inside for as long as possible. And we made it, sweet one. You made it.
I sit here in the silence with just the fan blowing. Silence is rare for me as I usually have music playing in the background. But, the silence is nice. You and I in silence, inside, tucked in a little ball, saving up energy to make your appearance. Me too little one; me too. I woke up early this morning to rain drops. The skies were still dark, but the sound put my soul at ease. A beautiful noise after so much heat and sun the past few weeks. Refreshing with a cool breeze. Drip drop. It felt like a gift.
I look down at a large basketball belly and try to imagine it gone. I imagine you swaddled up next to me fast asleep. Your pudgy cheeks plump and round. Maybe you'll have hair like your daddy did when he was a baby.
I think about this old house of ours. Your little nursery has been waiting for you since we moved in. A friend asked the other day what your room used to be. Always for you. Always intended for baby snuggles and lullabies. For diaper changes and midnight cries. The only part missing is you, sweet one. But not for long.
What a journey this has been. It feels like the marathon of marathons. Each day a stride bringing us closer to this point. Up hill and down hill, each step as important as the last. Each mile marker a victory. The crowd lining the streets has been cheering us on, sweet babe. We have much to be thankful for. Their claps, their encouragement, their prayers have helped nourish us along the way. Thank you, dear friends and family for being our supportive crowd.
//Even the nausea/vomiting was a part of this beautiful journey. I literally did not step foot in our kitchen for weeks on end and would drive across town for a jamba each day. Though difficult, I see how feeling so ill was a gift to set my anxious heart at ease. All was as it should be.//
As the finish line is in sight, so very close, I see God's merciful grace. I see how he has held me upright in the midst of my storms and downpours. I see how he has quenched my thirst when I've felt stranded in the dessert. He knew. He knows. He loves and gave grace. "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?' Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm." Matthew 8:26. Completely calm.
My little dear, I will see you very soon. With open arms I wait for you. Know that you've already brought me more joy than I ever could have imagined. Know that I will cherish your midnight kicks and twirls forever...
See you soon baby girl & happy due date!