A year ago last week, we were finding out about our first pregnancy with Gabriel. Such joy filled our hearts. Abounding joy! As spring has fully arrived, I cannot help but remember those sweet weeks with our first babe and also re-feel sadness that we never got to hold that precious one in our arms. I am reminded of how spring turned into a warm and depressing summer, which then turned into a hopeful late Fall when we learned of our pregnancy with this little one in November. Winter was worrisome and fear filled my soul. Coming full circle, now the warm air fills my lungs with hope and happiness. Flowers bring luminous color that are a reminder of God's faithfulness. Our hearts are once again filled with overflowing joy and I anxiously await meeting the little human under this bump of mine.
As Easter approaches, I think specifically of the trust Jesus had in his heavenly Father. Jesus knew of the pain and suffering he would feel on the cross. He even asked God to remove this cup from him-- to change plans so to speak. Oh, how many times did I plead with the Lord to give us back our sweet Gabriel. Oh, how many times I cried out in sadness and pain pleading for this to all just be a dream. But, ultimately, Jesus trusted God and remained faithful. Even while suffering on the cross, he reached out to the thief next to him offering forgiveness. I am challenged to have such faith, trust, and courage. It isn't easy living the day to day following heart ache. Many lessons are learned. The greatest for me being that I do not control this life of mine. As someone who lived hour to hour from her planner, this was quite the lesson to learn. But much needed. I don't know why tragedy happens, why innocent lives are lost. But, I know that I trust in God's plan for my life. Today's encouraging verse on my iPhone app reads, "But as it is written, 'what no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him." 1 Corinthians 2:9
I could not have imagined the life I have. I would not have planned it necessarily so. But I'm ever thankful that someone greater is in control. He has a beautiful plan for this life of ours. It is so difficult to see in the day to day, but even over the past year, I see immense beauty. I hope to look back 5, 10, 20 years from now and feel the same though I know that new heartaches will arise.
Happy Easter week to you!
This was a spur of the moment, ten minute "let's get some real photos since I'm actually dressed nice" outing. Andrew lovingly agreed and did an amazing job. He has learned a lot through my photography journey and I think that he probably does a better job on the shooting portion. We went back to our favorite spot down the road. Last year's Christmas photo was taken on these same tracks and I look forward to taking more in the coming year as each season will bring something (or someone) new.
It's strange editing photos of myself but I'm so thankful to have these and cherish each one. I only wish we brought the tripod and got Andrew in some of these. Maybe next time!