Today marks 23 weeks of pregnancy. Our sweet baby girl is the size of an eggplant at 1.3 pounds and 11.8 inches. As you can see, we are enjoying a spring break getaway at the coast with Andrew's family. What a treat it has been.
We are chugging right along but the medical side of me is sure anxious to reach next week's mark (point of viability). Speaking of anxiety, each week seems to bring some new concern or issue. The Lord has protected us thus far, why is it so difficult to continue trusting and give up my fears? It's human nature. I truly believe that the devil uses fear as a foothold. And boy is it a strong one. A storm is rolling in as I type this. The wind is powerful, the waves crash on the shore, and the rain hits the window with force. I am reminded of God's strength. His might.
“The seas have lifted up, O LORD, the seas have lifted up their voice; the seas have lifted up their pounding waves. Mightier than the thunder of the great waters, mightier than the breakers of the sea—the LORD on high is mighty” Psalm 93:3-4.
I always thought pregnancy to be such a wonderful time- full of excitement and joy. Don't get me wrong, it certainly is. What a blessing it is to be carrying this life. But, I had no idea the amount of worries and fears I would carry each day. Maybe this wouldn't be so if we hadn't lost our first. Maybe it wouldn't be this difficult if I were another type of nurse. Or maybe it would. Trust me, I know and have seen far too much. All the more reason to place my trust and faith in my Lord. All the more reason not to give the devil this foothold. As I've mentioned in earlier posts, this takes daily effort and hourly prayer. It takes encouraging friends who seem to always know the right words to say. It takes a husband who will listen to my fears and worries and calm each one. It takes a dear mother who I know prays for me daily and who checks in frequently. It mostly takes centering my mind and spirit on the grace and providence of God. It takes surrendering my fears and worries and being okay with the outcome because my trust and faith in the Lord's plan for my life is greater than the path I would choose for myself.
Sweet baby girl, I know that worrying does no good. Fear is not healthy. But I also know that I can't do this on my own. I know that God gives us storms to weather and the strength to get through; what a beautiful storm this is. How I can't wait to see your darling face, to hold your little body on my chest. In this waiting time, this growing time, I am doing my best to surrender these fears. Keep moving, keep growing. How I pray that you will know the Savior's love. I pray that your faith will be stronger than your mamas. That your soul will overflow with trust in the midst of your deepest heartache. We love you so very much sweet girl.
I've been so calmed and encouraged by the following song by Hillsong United. Not only is it beautiful, but speaks such truth.
'Your grace abounds in deepest waters. Your sovereign hand will be my guide...When fear surrounds me, you never fail and you won't stop now. So I will call up on your name. And keep my eyes above the waves. When oceans rise, my soul will rest in your embrace. I am yours. And you are mine.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander. And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my savior.'